


unworthy of your love

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22064044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Michael comes back to the airstream to find Alex waiting for him.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 138





	unworthy of your love

**Author's Note:**

> original posted may 4th, 2019

“Oh, fuck, you’re here?” **  
**

Alex looked up from his place in the lawn chair. Michael couldn’t tell how long the airman had been there, but he was hoping that it hadn’t been all day. The sun had already gone down for the night and Michael’s heart was heavy. He’d gone and kissed Maria and, within thirty minutes, he couldn’t feel Max. He didn’t realize how lonely he could feel until Max’s presence left him. It didn’t help that what he could feel of Isobel was sheer panic. He didn’t even tell Maria goodbye.

For hours, Michael, Isobel, and Liz had been panicking over what to do about Max. He was the one that could heal, he was the one that could resurrect‒what the hell were they supposed to do? Eventually, they agreed to put him in the pod and try to clear their minds before they regrouped in the morning. It wasn’t Max’s time. He needed to come back. They just had to think.

And Michael needed to fucking sleep.

“Hey,” Alex began with the world’s softest voice, wearing the world’s most concerned face, “Are you okay? I thought something might’ve happened… You were covered in blood last night and you rushed out. I was so worried.” Alex reached out, hesitantly moving to place his hand on Michael’s cheek.

“I’m fine,” Michael said. He fully intended to pull away, to tell Alex to go home and that they’ll talk later. His talk with Isobel was still fresh on his mind. Alex was hard to love right now, it hurt just looking at him. So much of him craved Alex, but there were parts of him that kept screaming about his father, about Project Shepard, about Caulfield, about Maria. 

Still, Michael leaned into Alex’s hand and his eyes fluttered closed.

“Are you sure? Do you wanna talk about it?” Alex asked softly, moving in closer as he took Michael’s movement as consent. Michael felt tears push at his eyes when he finally looked at Alex again. “Hey, we don’t have to. I know you’ve had a rough couple days, so if you want, we can just go lay down and I’ll‒”

“I kissed Maria today.” Michael blurted. Alex paused, his face slowly become confused. In that moment, Michael became aware of what hurt more than the crash landing that was loving Alex Manes. Not having him at all.

“Well, that was unexpected.” Alex breathed out as his hands slipped off Michael. Even the heat, he felt cold where Alex’s hands weren’t anymore. “Why? Why would you go kiss her when you told me to come back today?” he asked, taking a step back. Michael felt his chest tighten, a new wave of panic coursing through his veins alongside regret. Fuck what Isobel said and fuck how much it hurt to be with Alex. He lost his mom, he lost Max. He couldn’t bear to lose Alex.

So why did he do it?

“I-I don’t know. Iz… Iz said I need to think about moving forward, not in the past, and it’s really, really hard to love you with all the shit we’ve gone through, so I figured I needed to hook up with someone else and I like Maria, so I went there. But… but then Max died and I feel like I’m going to explode because _everyone keeps dying_ and I don’t want Maria, I just want you. Max…” Michael rambled, his voice cracking at least five times. He was gripping his hair so hard he thought it might rip out.

“Max… is dead?” Alex said carefully.

Without much of a warning, objects shot themselves across the junkyard. None of it came close to Alex, but Michael still felt his anger at himself build. He forgets Alex was waiting for him, he kills his mom, he let Max die, he kissed Maria, he lost control around Alex, he _let Max die_. Yet, if Alex was scared of him, he didn’t show it.

Instead, he stepped closer.

“Hey, Michael,” Alex addressed, gently grabbing his wrists and pulling them from his hair. Alex’s eyes lingered on the heeled hand for a moment of shock, but he chose not to say anything about it. “We’re gonna get through it, alright? I’m here.”

“You aren’t mad at me?” Michael asked, letting Alex pull him in closer.

“Oh, I’m mad. And I’m hurt that you kissed her, even more, hurt that she let you. But you’ve seen too much death in the last 48 hours, there’s no way I’m going to leave you alone, so I’m here. I’m here. I’ll be pissed at you later.” he promised. Michael let his head be pulled into the crook of Alex’s neck, strong arms cradling him.

And he lost it.

Michael couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried so hard. He was sobbing to the point he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop the tortured groans that pushed out of his body. He was sure he had ruined Alex’s jacket with his tears and snot, but, for some reason, he didn’t seem to mind.

The more Michael tried to stop, the less he understood what exactly had made him cry so hard in the first place. Max? His mom? Alex? All of the above? Probably. He’d fucked over so many people, he sort of felt like he deserved all the pain he felt. He didn’t deserve to be comforted, much less by Alex.

But Alex did it anyway and never complained. Even when he lugged Michael towards the trailer once the rain began to fall, even when it clearly put a strain on his leg to navigate around the cramped airstream, even when Michael couldn’t help him do a damn thing because he still couldn’t catch his breath.

“Would you be okay with me staying with you tonight?” Alex asked after he got Michael into bed. Michael sucked in a shaky breath as he nodded.

Though Michael’s eyes were red and puffy, he never took them off of Alex. He couldn’t understand why, of all times, Alex was choosing now not to walk away. Why did he have to wait for things to get so bad?

Alex sat on the edge of the tiny single bed and rolled up his pant leg. Michael considered moving to put his head in his lap, but he didn’t know their boundaries. He kissed his best friend‒was he allowed to move in for comfort? Or was Alex the only one allowed to say what was okay? He didn’t want to push it.

“Are you feeling better since you got all that out of your system?” Alex asked as he placed the prosthetic on the floor. Michael watched him as he laid down beside him. It felt all too familiar and brought back way too much pain. He looked away. “Are you sure you’re okay with me staying?”

“Mhm,” Michael sniffled, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears slipped past. He made sure his back was towards him. 

“You need someone, Guerin, but it doesn’t have to be me. I get it if it’s too much. I can call‒”

“Stay,” Michael whispered out, looking back at Alex. They stared for a moment before Alex nodded and settled into the bed.

A few minutes later, Michael put his hand out. Alex grasped it and silently moved closer, wrapping his arms around Michael and holding him tightly from behind. He didn’t relax until Alex peppered a few kisses to the back of his shoulder. Yeah, it was definitely better with him than without.

“I’m sorry I kissed Maria.” Michael murmured. He felt Alex tense up, but he still nuzzled his nose into his curls and squeezed him tight. “I don’t wanna do it again. I want you. Even if it hurts.”

“We’ll talk about this when you have a clear head. Too much shit has happened to you. So get some sleep. I’m right here.” Alex promised, letting go just long enough to comb his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t deserve you.” Michael sniffled, shutting his eyes for the night. Alex gave the faintest kiss to the back of his head instead of confirming or denying.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here when you wake up. Go to sleep.”

So he did.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
